Pinching pennies and paying it forward

Kate is willing to ask for help when she needs it. She shopped at the Community Cupboard during the last several years as she cared for her fiancé and after he died. She's also passionate about helping others get the help they need, too.

The resources to find help for those who need it are often hard to find. Kate—whose name has been changed to protect her anonymity—has become adept at finding those resources, both for herself and others.

This skill became even more important in recent years, when Kate’s fiancé was diagnosed with cancer. As the cancer progressed, Kate had to become his full-time caregiver.

During that time, she helped her fiancé apply for a state program that reduces property tax payments for Washington residents who are elderly or disabled. Based on her research, she and her fiancé decided not to get married because it would negatively affect their health insurance. She shopped at the Community Cupboard for food when things got tight. Although now in her sixties, Kate was a single mom starting at age 21, “so I know how to pinch pennies.”

Kate’s resourcefulness served her well over the two years her fiancé suffered with colon cancer. Kate was the one who convinced him to go to the doctor when he wasn’t feeling well, which led to a colon cancer diagnosis. She cared for him full time for the next two years, while his cancer treatment caused painful side effects, including a broken femur and a burst colon. He was in a lot of pain.

Kate’s fiancé died in March 2025, two years after his diagnosis. At that point, things got harder. On top of mourning his loss, the family had been using his social security checks to help make ends meet; when he died, that income stopped.

“There were many end-of-life costs to cover,” Kate said. “And it was very difficult on just my [social security income]. My son set up a GoFundMe to help out. Food was at the bottom of the list of priorities; there were just so many legalities to cover, along with all the other household costs.”

At that point, Kate had to depend on the Community Cupboard even more. She got help settling her fiancé’s estate from volunteer attorney services. Although she inherited her fiancé’s house when he died, it came with a lot of possessions that she’s now having to sort through.

“It’s just all been one big blur,” she said. “It’s been difficult to keep my head above water.”

Asking for help and giving it, too

Despite many challenges in Kate’s life, her commitment to helping those around her has always been strong. Any resource she comes across is one she shares with anyone who might need the information.

Over the course of her life, Kate has been a single mom turning in bottles for the rebate to pay for formula for her infant son. She was homeless for a couple years. At another point in her life, she set up a free clothing closet in a spare room of her house and organized resources for domestic abuse survivors. She has also taken in people who needed help. She helps her grandson, who lives with her, in any way she can.

A lot of her circumstances have depended on the jobs she’s had.

“As a single mom, I didn’t always have a good job,” she said.

Single parents often need jobs that will allow them more flexibility to take care of their children—often these jobs are part time, and don’t have the same benefits as full-time employment. Since they don’t pay as well, that also ultimately affects the amount they get from social security after retiring.

Kate is not afraid of asking for help when she needs it. She learned how to ask for help when her son was born—she knew she needed it to make sure he had what he needed.

“I would do anything for him—to make sure he had the clothes that he needed, the shoes, etc.,” she said. “I wasn’t above asking for help for him. If it has to be, it has to be.”

Kate doesn’t think others should be ashamed to ask for help, either. She is passionate about helping people find the help that they need, and good at helping them get it.

“I’m good at being an advocate for those who don’t know,” she said. “I know how to be a mama bear for whomever needs help.”

Recently, Kate’s circumstances have changed for the better. She no longer needs as much help as she did. Recently, she bagged up everything she’d gotten from the Community Cupboard that she hadn’t used and took it back. As much as she is not ashamed to ask for help, it is also important to Kate to make sure the resources she has are available to others if she doesn’t need them anymore. She wants to make sure people can get the help they need—people like her in her most dire circumstances.

“I no longer need the help of the Community Cupboard,” Kate wrote in a message to MEND. “My grandson and I are grateful for your help.”